More Equality Than Ever
Today, there is more equality than ever between the sexes in the work place. Even many marriages have become more like a partnership, with both parties sharing the chores, child-rearing and bringing home the bacon. Unfortunately, the single world is lagging far behind. Dating is still an archaic mating ritual that has simply not caught up. So if dating is still in the dark ages what does that mean for women today? The fact is, theres a strong downside to women taking over the pursuit during the initial courtship. Okay, okay, let me explain. A Man's Perspective
Heres a perfect example provided by my client Jim, who called to tell me he was kind of seeing someone. I asked what that meant and his answer fascinated me. Jim ran into a woman acquaintance he knew from business networking. One thing led to another and Carol suggested that she cook a nice dinner Friday night. Jim went to dinner and then was invited to a second home-cooked dinner as well. Sounds great right? Not exactly. Jim explained that although the food and company were good, every candle in the place was burning and the romance was turned up a few notches too high. After dinner, Carol built a fire and they sat on the couch drinking wine. Not a Real Date
Jim felt perplexed because his date handled everything and there was no way for him to contribute. When asked how he felt about the situation, he said hed prefer to call, ask her out, and take her on a real date. Yikes, in Jims mind, these werent even real dates! What happened here? Lets dissect this situation to gain a better understanding of what went wrong. First, Carol took the lead when she asked Jim out. She probably wanted to lure him in through the age-old strategy, The way to a mans heart is through his stomach. But a home-cooked meal is more natural later in the dating process when the foundation for intimacy has been established and this is something that cannot be rushed. Men Dont Like Being "Wooed"
Unfortunately, Carols plan backfired, because most men dont respond well to being wooed. Even those men who claim to like aggressive females and have dated women who asked them out, admitted they usually got a second date by turning the tables and asking her out. In other words they decided seeing the woman was a good idea and took over the pursuit. Carol was probably wondering what the heck happened. Can you imagine her saying, We had such a nice time. I cooked a fabulous dinner and we talked for hours drinking wine in front of a roaring fire. It was so romantic and he didnt have to lift a finger! What more could he want? Curious and Flattered, But Not his Idea
Heres one answer Jim wants it to be HIS idea. Men prefer the role of pursuer and this is eons of biological history to fight against. Even though Jim accepted Carols invitations, he wasnt invested in her agenda. Was he curious and flattered? Sure, but that didnt create any intention on Jims part to pursue her on his own volition. Many women insist that some men are shy and need a little prodding. This is not true at all and even shy men know how to go after something or someone they want. Most men enjoy the chase and theres no chase if the woman does all the pursuing. Hes Not the One for You
So give men a chance to win you over. And ladies, if the man youre interested in doesnt ask you out, hes not the one for you. He might like flirting or enjoy banter, but hes not genuinely interested. Move on to find a man wholl step up to the plate and ask you out. When its his idea, hes more invested. As a woman, thats what you want! Find a Man Who Will Step Up to the Plate
Instead of taking charge, rely on your feminine charm. Sit back and allow a man to take the lead during the initial courtship. Observe what he does to please and win you over. Thats how you can tell if hes interested and not just curious or flattered by your advances. Think of the start of a new relationship like dancing a waltz the woman follows the mans lead to enjoy floating around the room together, hopefully without stepping on his toes. |
