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Site Home –› Self Enhancement –› Self Motivations
 

Two Ways to Feel Fear

 
Author: Paul McNeese

In a memorable Depression-era radio speech on the radio, President Franklin Roosevelt declared, The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. He was dead right. And for the next few minutes were going to look at why he was right, and what FEAR really is, and how it can be turned into something strong and productive for you with just a few simple tactics you can learn in less than 10 minutes.

This is important learning, because more often than not its fear that prevents us from making the changes that are needed to improve our lives. And its fear that paralyzes us when change invades from the outsidea layoff, a death in the family, the end of a relationship. All of these change-producing events create fear. And how we deal with fear makes all the difference between a positive outcome andno outcome at all! An old friend of mine put fear into perspective some time ago by relating each letter of the word F-E-A-R to another word -- like this:

F - FALSE
E - EVIDENCE
A - APPEARING
R - REAL.

FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

...or another way of looking at it (which was my way for much of my life)...

F - FORGET
E - EVERYTHING
A - AND
R - RUN!!!

But lets start this survey of fear with a definition thats a little plainer than my friends acronym or mine!

According to Websters dictionary, FEAR is: An unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Another way of saying this might be: A negative expectation about the future, or A feeling that something is about to be lost or taken away. Where does fear come from? Does it come from those things that make us fearful? No. It comes from inside ourselves. FEAR is an emotion. Is an emotion a FACT? It sure seems so when we experience one. But is this REALITY? No. WE create our emotions as a function of imagination. Emotions come from thoughts.

It follows, then, that if we create the emotion called fear, then we ought to be able to control it!

But how many times in your life has your fear ruled you...made you sweat...almost stopped your breathing...made you feel real funny down around your stomach...kept you PARALYZED?

It could be that now is one of those times. Youre suddenly unemployed, or threatened with a layoff, weathering a failed relationship, in a financial crisis...whatever. That may even be why youre reading this today. If so, then lets give you some good news.

We feel fear at very specific times...times we refer to as crisis. The ancient Chinese observed this, and they also observed that fear has two components -- anxiety and excitement.

From this, they divined that a crisis really represents a duality of Danger and Opportunity. Which one you choose as the benchmark for your crisis IS up to you! And thats good newsyou can CHOOSE. So here are five comforting thoughts from Susan Jeffers, author of FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.

1. Fear will never go away as long as youre growing.

2. The only way to overcome fear is to take positive action.

3. The only way to feel better about yourself is to walk right through the fear.

4. Remember that fear will always be present in an unfamiliar situation.

5. EVERYONE experiences fearyoure not alone. Although you may have heard one or more of the five truths about fear just expressed, heres a hypothesis about fear that may be new to you. Quoting again from Susan Jeffers: Pushing through the fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

Thats very, very important. I know that its hard to understand this while youre in the middle of the FEAR, but pushing through it is, indeed, less frightening than living with the fear itself.

Lets look at how this hypothesis developed. First of all, whats the first thing that happens when you feel FEAR? It stops you cold. Your thinking process is affected, and you generally just want the fear to go away. What do you usually do to remove the FEAR? You push it away, or you tuck it inside and try to go on with your life as if nothing was wrong. And what does that produce? MORE FEAR, ANXIETY...and finally DEPRESSION and a TOTAL PARALYSIS.

Thats an argument for action -- ANY action. And the sooner the better. In fact, the moment you begin to take action against the fear, your sensory equipment shifts gears and a real change occurs...all in a single moment. Ive worked with thousands of people just like you, and the feedback I get is virtually unanimous. What it adds up to is an effective plan for coping with FEAR and beginning to remove it by FACING IT. Once having gone through the process Im about to outline, people invariably tell me... "Fear isnt the problem."

Its how we hold the fear. Simply stated, we can see fear as a problem...or as an opportunity. We can feel it as pain...or as excitement.

When we feel it as pain or anxiety, our response to fear is: I cant. On the other hand, when we feel it as excitement, our response is: I choose only to see the opportunity Or perhaps, Im anxious about this, but Im going to do it anyway and see what happens!

And this is the key! When you feel fear, tell yourself that theres something going on that warrants the feeling, but refuse to hold the feeling as one of pain. Tell yourself that theres a change in the wind...Somethings got to change, and its ME...and tell yourself that as soon as you change the fear will pass.

My experience has been that this simple technique has enabled me to confront whatever it is thats causing the fear, to deal with it NOW, and to move on.

Surprisingly (or not), I usually discover that my fear was way out of proportion to the significance of the event. Nonetheless, I also discover that by confronting the fear early on I am able to change sufficiently to deal with it and to feel very powerful in the process.

So when you feel fear, call it excitement and be willing to deal with the situation immediately, effect the necessary change, and move up your power grid to a place of greater comfort.

Now, theres one more idea about fear that we should look at. Most of our fear-based pain comes from the egocentric idea that we can change whats happening around us. In reality, our fear stems from a sense of helplessness, and our ego drives us to attempt to overcome outside forces. Its a pretty weak position.

The ego state tells us that the power is out there and our job is to manipulate it so as to achieve the desired outcome. What a tough assignment! Not only dont we know precisely whats out there, but we have absolutely NO leverage over it most of the time. It takes a lot of energy, the outcomes are NOT predictable, and seldom do they occur as wed wish them to.

Self-love, or self-esteem, on the other hand, says, Any power I have rests inside of me. Its there for me when I need it, and I know how to use it, and thats all I need. So let me use it wisely. This is a lot easier, and by holding this idea we have a good deal more control over both the input and the outcome. So, it makes sense to look at our fears from the inside out rather than from the outside in...to work toward self-esteem and self-love as an antidote to fear.

The logical question here is, How does fear relate to Change? The answer is simple. Most of us FEAR CHANGE. And five fears drive us.

1. The first is FEAR of the unknown. We dont know what the change will bring; were uncomfortable with what weve got; but its familiar, and its difficult to give up the familiar for the unfamiliar.

2. Then theres the FEAR of failure. What if the change we make isnt for the better? Thats our egocentric fear of what Other People think of us. What if we fail? Well be a laughingstock, right? So maybe its better not to change!

3. The third fear that gets in the way of change is the FEAR of commitment. We know that if we are truly our word, well follow through on whatever it is we commit to. But that implies some hard work, and wed rather not commit than to compromise our integrity by failing to keep our word -- especially to ourselves.

4. The fourth item on our list of fears is the FEAR of disapproval. Other people may not like the change weve made, even if that change is better for us. A simple example of this came to me from a friend a couple of months ago. He decided to begin a regular program of exercise, and he joined a gym. Four days a week hed go to work out after his business day was done. Good for him? Yes. But his wife, who was used to a routine of having dinner at six oclock, wasnt happy at all with this, and she began to berate him about it, telling him that all this work wasnt doing him any good. Believe it or not, she even changed menus sometimes to add more fat to her husbands diet. She was sabotaging his efforts because she disapproved of his upsetting her idea of what was right and proper and familiar. Id like to tell you that they were able to discuss it and resolve the situation, but that wouldnt be true. He was a bit afraid of that discussion, so actually, he stopped exercising in the evening and instead went early in the morning. Not a bad solution, but it didnt confront the issue, and he still fears her disapproval.

5. Finally, theres the FEAR of success. As much as we want to be the best, were afraid that if we actually become better, others will dislike us, shun us, think were stuck-up, all that! So we limit ourselves by our fear of being above average!

Is it any wonder that breaking through fear proves so difficult for most of us? But understanding what fear really is, coupled with the courage to risk changing a given situation, can produce truly transformative resultsfor you!

Author Bio:

Paul McNeese

Paul McNeese, BS, CFP (Ret.), is a training professional with more than 25 years of experience in educating, motivating and inspiring individuals and groups. He has entered coaching by the ?back door,? having founded an online publishing company in 2001, where he discovered that many authors, both newcomers and experienced professionals, require coaching to bring out the very best writing they are capable of producing. But now that he?s in it, he?s in it! Paul is a member of the Phoenix, Arizona chapter of the International Coach Federation. He is also studying in Coachville?s certification program and is currently working as a coach to nine authors, a ghostwriter, and several promotional marketing writers. An honors graduate of Northeastern University in Boston, Paul holds a bachelor of science degree in marketing and has done graduate work in psychology, economics and public policy at UCLA. He held the Certified Financial Planner (CFP) designation between 1981 and 1994, when he retired (the first time around). He also holds a certificate in counseling from Cypress College in Los Angeles. Today, Paul McNeese combines his organizational expertise, marketing ?savvy,? communications fluency and interpersonal skills with an upbeat, entertaining public speaking style as he presents personal growth strategies in an interactive one-day workshop called ?Betterchange.? He developed the first ?Betterchange? workshop in 1994 as a vehicle for training the staff and management of not-for profit organizations, and he continues to refine it almost daily to better equip attendees to meet the future successfully. A second edition of his book, ?Salespower through Successful Seminars,? is scheduled for publication in early 2006 as an online publication in his OPA Publishing catalog, and he has begun work on another book, ?Betterchange: 12 Keys to Personal and Professional Growth,? which will see publication in mid-2006. He has also recently completed an audiotape/CD set based on his ?Betterchange? seminar/workshop.

You can search for this article using: motivation, employee motivation program, employee motivation, self motivation, motivation theory
 
 
 

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