One of the biggest potential problems we face with every action we take are our past experiences. In fact, as humans the only reference we have whenever we take some kind of action are our past experiences. There is nothing else we can go by for an indication of expected results.

I'm sure you can already see how this can affect your level of confidence

If your past experiences were good, it will be a huge confidence builder for you. However, if your past experiences were unpleasant, you will have a huge lack of self confidence.

Unfortunately, this is total nonsense. Although humans need confirmation to feel safe and secure, which our past experiences can provide, they also eliminate the option of the result may be different this time which is one of the paralyzing elements many people face when they lack confidence.

They get stuck in that process of automatically falling back on past experiences and results and selling themselves on it, rather than becoming aware of the past but allowing other options into the equation.

You may have experienced this before. No matter how many times you confront a situation where you lack the confidence to take assertive action, you continually lock yourself into the mindset and body language of previous results, instead of really analyzing all the options available. This virtually guarantees the same result every time, because you convince yourself into believing this is your only chance, choice or option.

Dont let past experiences or results paralyze you, your views, actions or results. It only kills your self-confidence. You can open up possibilities that you never thought possible with a little alteration of your thinking pattern. Be resistant to your natural reactions. When you start to see yourself think, Here we go again. Im going to fail again, you need to interrupt your thoughts, take a step back or take a moment to think what other outcomes are possible and be optimistic as well as realistic with what you can achieve.

When I face this situation, I like to I use other people as inspiration. I say to myself, If others can do it, so can I (even when I have failed at this task before). This thought and belief process really works.

Example: Getting a birdie in golf (for you non-golfers, this means that you get the ball in the hole in one less stroke than is suggested) Before we progress, I must confess, I only play about twice a year, so achieving this would be almost a miracle at the moment for me. But if I took the time to play more, take it seriously, maybe get some coaching etc, Im sure Id be able to achieve it at some point in time.

Now it's very unlikely I will achieve this in the first twenty attempts or so. But even though I "failed" to achieve or succeed in this goal, it doesn't mean I will never do it. With some positive thinking, feelings and attitude about getting a birdie one day, I can start gaining self-confidence and one day achieve the desired result.

In fact, if you stick with it long enough with the right positive surroundings (coach, thinking, feeling, confidence, attitude etc), success in anything is almost inevitable, including: getting a job, getting a promotion, picking up a girl/guy, getting a phone number, making conversations with a stranger, negotiating for a car, house (or anything for that matter), starting a business, becoming a professional athlete, movie star or musician, and the list is endless.

Just remember, that each time you try something, its not your last chance. There is always a next time. So dont put too much emphasis or importance on the task you are trying to accomplish. Just because you cant do it now, doesnt mean you will never be able to. Its not the end of your confidence or the world.

When you feel the butterflies flying in your stomach, follow these steps:

1. Stop.
2. Take a step back from the situation.
3. Analyze why you are feeling a lack of confidence.
4. Find the positive sides of the situation.
5. Look for alternative views, thoughts and methods of getting the job done.
6. Take action.
7. Dont worry about the result. If it doesnt work out, you have next time to improve (repeat steps 1-7 again).

   Confidently Yours,

   Rohan Cox