emptydumpty.com emptydumpty.com emptydumpty.com
Search:    Site Home :> About Us :> Privacy Policy :> ToS :> Add Your Link :> Add Article   
Get 3 way links
 

Family & Home

Banking & Finance

Outdoor & Sports

Policies & Law

Healthcare & Medicine

Games & Play

Science & Research

Children

Recreation & Entertainment

Education & Reference

Business & Commerce

Automobile & Automotive

Eating & Drinking

Property & Estate

Self Enhancement

Society & Issues

Shopping Online

Fashion & Lifestyle

Creative Arts

News & Media

Computers & Networking

Tour & Travel

Jobs & Employment

Health & Therapy

 

Site Home –› Society & Issues –› Humor & Pastime
 

Come Let Us Lament

 
Author: John T Jones, Ph.D.

My sister-in-law asked me to write this article. She must be lamenting.

The best place to lament is at the Wailing Wall. You can see the Wailing Wall at http://www.aish.com/wallcam/. The picture changes often so you will know what is going on.

I suggest that you do your wailing right in front of your computer. Look at the picture. Every time it updates, do your wailing.

To lament you show strong regret aloud. Thats the only way to really do it. First you need a list of things over which to lament. Here are some suggestions:

1.You forgot to buy a lottery ticket for the National Lottery last week and your regular number came up. That cost you a zillion dollars.

2.You spent $40,000.00 on your sons education and he is working at McDonalds after graduating in social studies with a Spanish minor. He graduated magna cum laude. You talked him out of majoring in celestial mechanics.

3.Your grandkids have come to live with you until they are graduated from college. Their ages are 4, 7, 9, and 13. You will be 87 years old when the youngest graduates and your spouse will be 96 years old.

4.You bought a used car from a little old lady. The 1986 Ford had only 40,000 miles on it. Yesterday the transmission went out. The owner of the transmission repair shop said, This is Mrs. Hendersons old car, isnt it? Yes, that is the transmission I put in it at 98,000 miles. I checked it at 149, 000 miles and again at 199,000 miles. Well, she got her moneys worth. Lets see, I can replace that for you for $2300.00. However, that rebuilt engine isnt going to last forever. Did you look at those tires? Does it still pull to the right when you break for dogs?

5.You had a chance to talk about your new business with a rich acquaintance you met on the golf course and gain some financial support from him. When his ball went into the lake, you laughed.

Well, that should get you going. Now how to you do the actual lamenting? Well, get the Wailing Wall Picture on your monitor by going to http://www.aish.com/wallcam/.

Chant as follows:

I lost a zillion dollars!
I lost a zillion dollars!
I lost a zillion dollars!

Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!
Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!
Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!

Were raising kids again!
Were raising kids again!
Were raising kids again!

I got ripped off by a nice old lady!
I got ripped off by a nice old lady!
I got ripped off by a nice old lady!

I laughed my business away!
I laughed my business away!
I laughed my business away!

A nice ending to your chant might be:

Why am I so stupid?
Why cant I do anything right?
Please God, give me another chance!
Please God, give me another chance!

Well, that should do it for my sister-in-law. Jump right in!

The End

Author Bio:

John T Jones, Ph.D.

Jones was a vice president of a Fortune 500 company subsidiary having the major responsibility for research and development and certain engineering functions. After he retired, he became editor of an international trade magazine. Jones is Executive Representative of IWS, sellers of Tyler Hicks wealth-success books and kits. He is a direct mail and mail order marketer and operates a dozen websites.

He has written three technical books, four novels (Bull, Revenge on the Mogollon Rim, Bone China, and In No Way Guilty), and many published papers on business, marketing, engineering and other topics. Details on many of these topics can be found at his personal web site.

Jones is a hack poet and amateur landscape painter. He lives in Idaho with his wife of 52 years. He has five children, three in medicine, a lawyer, and a portrait artist. The Jones? have thirty-two talented grandchildren (many with special musical talent and skills), and one great grand child.

Jones is a prolific writer which started when he was an engineering professor at Iowa State University (Go Cyclones!). He doesn?t know how to stop.

You can search for this article using: funny news, funny news stories, funny news articles, funny news headlines, current funny news
 
 
 

Related Articles

 
Beer Cola: The Drink That Could Change History
 
Very Precise Fortune Cookies
 
The Texas Trail
 
American Independence - The True Story
 
Taj Mahal -- the Monument of Eternal Love
 
Expert of Experts: Things HE Didn't Tell Neale About Reality
 
Butt of the Joke
 
Miss Cleo Was a Fake... NO - Really? YES Maaan!
 
25 Signs You May Be A Health Freak
 
Deny Reality and Enjoy Life; Become a Liberal Today!
 
 
 
   Site Home :> Privacy Policy :> ToS
© 2006 www.emptydumpty.com - All Rights Reserved